


Pillow Talk

by Satans_Fukcmeat



Series: Will you join us? [1]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Dry Humping, Dry Orgasm, Light Angst, M/M, Masturbation, Mild Smut, Other, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:55:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23528752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Satans_Fukcmeat/pseuds/Satans_Fukcmeat
Summary: What is the main motivation for K-pop Idols?Their audience.What are Idols supposed to do when they are not allowed dating?Masturbation.
Relationships: Choi San/Park Seonghwa
Series: Will you join us? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1693192
Comments: 1
Kudos: 97





	Pillow Talk

**Author's Note:**

> I'm looking forward to feedback and suggestions (incl. requests)
> 
> These works are fiction are are not meant to insult or hurt anyone!

The first time such a thing occured in his mind was when he woke up, dreamily, warmly, as comfortable as ever, with his whole body hugging his pillow. Half asleep he meant to shift his position, turn a little to lie mostly on top of the pillow. Then -- he humped the pillow, hips not intentionally thrusting, but for a moment he certainly sought for a pressure against his groin; then he snapped his eyes open. He needed to take a shower!

A good ten days later, San still couldn't shake the feeling from his mind. His thoughts wandered when he was alone, in his bed, the pile of pillows was taunting him. It went so far he developed from the habit of hugging something while sleeping to needing something pressed against his bottom, or thighs, or most prefereably, his crotch - idealy something he could rub himself against, if not hump.

It was heaven, the feeling of pressure and warmth against his length while his hips followed a steady rhythm, and in case his mind went too far off and shame overcame him, he could perfectly hide his face in the fabric of the pillow. It all added to his high in perfect harmony. The pillow beneath him feeling like an actual body, he could bite and pant into it to muffle the noises and humping it until he reached his peak-- it was truly heaven.

Unfortuntely it went so far that almost every time San lay down on his bed, his first reflex was to grab one of the pillows and press in down into his crotch; so far that he was barely able to fall asleep without anything pressed against him. It was terrible, he felt ashamed for being so needy but dirty. The worst nights were those when he was cuddled by one of the members, or when they went abroad and slept in hotel beds - even worse with the cameras attached to every corner. 

It made him cranky weirdly enough. Getting off was definitely not the problem here, it was his need for something between his thighs. He denied Seonghwa several times and even Wooyoung from cuddling with him over night, in fear of turning and shifting during his sleep only to end up humping them. The disgust they would have felt.

On the positive side, San came back with loads of new Shiber plushies and dolls to add to the mountain of his collection. He was at ease when he lay down, settled in the security of his most beloved dog friend; though instead of reaching for one of the newbies to hug, he reached for a regular pillow to place it where his hand moved without much thought. It felt so good and relieving, not to mention the intensity of the orgasm he had that night.

Sadly just after weeks of it, the procedure had lost its charm. Not even the lack of clothes had helped San, but he could identify difficulties while reaching his happiness. It took him longer to get going, it turned out to be boring and sometimes-- sometimes he even just stopped halfway through because his anticipation wasn't met in reality and he gave up.

Thus one time, more out of anger than frustration, he sat up after almost an hour of no results and pouted at his pillow. He wanted to scold it for not doing its service and for not making him feel good. But then, as he sat there with his pillow in front of him, he didn't need to think a lot before he shuffeled and straddled the lower half of it.

Oh, that was it. It felt so delicious. There was more of a burning sensation in comparison to before, from the friction of fabric on his skin as well as in his muscles from the different and more intense movements he had to keep up with. The air felt cold against his upper body now that it wasn't pressed against anything and the contrast made him almost desperate.

Even if he tried, even if he meant to, he couldn't stop his mind from wandering and making up several scenarios at once - the poor boy - of members, of words, of feelings until it overwhelmed him. His body jerked and shook and he had troubles holding himself upright - the noises he made went unnoticed by him. When the aftershock hit him, he just let himself flop down on his side, then he rolled onto his back; blissed out and sweaty he fell asleep.

After experiencing such a great night, he had an idea. He made himself wait and would only let himself have bits of joy. Every now and then he would start to hump his pillow again, slowly and calmly but he wouldn't let himself finish. Only after at least a week then - once he even managed sixteen day, then almost twenty-four - he would overcome the shame and ride his pillow again. And it was pure heaven everytime.

Feeling too squirmy one night, he almost pushed his pillow off the bed in anticipation before he turned and sat up, blindly fishing for it in the dark so he could get started again. It took him a few thrusts before he got really comfortable but the knoll from where he squeezed it between his legs was amazing. It felt firm and tight and just gave the perfect amount of resistence. He threw his head back as he gasped, overwhelmed by the intense sensation. He could manage to hold most of his moans in and substitute them with little pants and mewls in his throat, but therefore his hips created a mind of their own; going gradually faster and harder.

His peak had him wheezing, completely forgetting the arguably thin walls as well as the arguably naughty stuff that had him wheezing. When he calmed his breath down a little, he couldn't help a giggle from pure joy - he came to accept that he was kind of weird for only getting off by humping his pillow, but as long as he didn't bother or hurt anyone all he needed to do was to keep quiet about it.

Well, at least that was the plan until the light was switched on and he whiped aroud to see Seonghwa who stood in the door frame, bed-hair and face in a grimace from the sudden brightness. He took in a breath as if to say something, then hesitated for a moment. San stared in shock, still sitting on his pillow, and didn't know how to react.

"San-ah, I won't tell you to do or not do such things, I relate to you and I'm not in a position to bar you from it, but... Could you manage to tone it down a little? You know I'm a light-sleeper and the walls are thin," Seonghwa didn't sound accusing, thank God, but San still felt not only shame, but guilt wash over him when he understood Seonghwa was uncomfortable asking him to be quiet.

San swallowed thickly and nodded, he couldn't find his voice immediately and rasped a "Yes, of course. I'm so sorry, hyung," but Seonghwa remained in his spot, squinting in confusion, "Do you... really... Is that what you collect those Shiber dolls for? Oh, Sannie." San didn't know what Seonghwa was talking about but he heard the judgement. The younger one frowned and looked down in shame, then it became clear to him.

Between his thighs was not his pillow, no that lay still on the very edge of his mattress - he had been humping one of the bigger Shiber dolls! He squeaked and pushed himself backwards off of it and kicked it away with his foot. No wonder it had felt so different! San just thought it had been due to the longer break.

He sobbed softly, stared in shock at the pile of dolls and plushies, and a wave of shame - almost disgust crashed over and drowned him. Tears built up in his eyes. He just wanted to hide; hide from Seonghwa, from the dolls, from the guilt. He sniffled and it was the signal for Seonghwa to come closer. "San-ah," he called gently and sat down beside him on the edge of the bed, "I'm sorry I said that. There was no need for a comment."

San shook his head, then looked up, "I- I don't usually do this," he stuttered and pointed in the direction of the doll, but his eyes were fixed on the floor. "I swear, it wasn't meant to be like that," he breathed unevenly and his shoulders jerked with hiccups. Seonghwa shushed him, he hadn't meant to judge the younger one, he only wanted to mention the volume but then he had seen it.

"It's alright. I'll just go back to sleep and by tomorrow it will be forgetten," the older one suggested but didn't expect a verbal answer. San sniffed again and nodded eagerly, "I'll just sleep on the couch tonight. Can't sleep here" he mumbled in a pout. Seonghwa grimanced, he just made San feel uncomfortable in his own bedroom, his safe-space.

The next day, Seonghwa had waited until close to noon yet San was nowhere to be seen. It was odd since he had announced he would sleep in the living area but when the older one got up in the morning the couch had been empty. Guilt-tripped he made his way towards San's room and knocked on the door, when he was let in, San's bed had a different duvet cover and was empty except for the pillow, also in a fresh pillowcase.

All the plushies and dolls were sat on the shelf and on his arm chair while San himself was putting new beddings on his cover. Seonghwa felt like he had been punched. "San-ah~," he called almost whinily, "I didn't mean to make you feel bad about it. I don't mind it at all, you know, right?" and went to hold the cover so San could reach and close the zipper.

"Yes, I know, hyung. But it's... naughty and... I don't want to bother you at night," San mumbled in response, still avoiding eye contact. Seonghwa wanted to argue, wanted to tell him it was alright, that he actually didn't mind hearing San's pants and groans - but... How could he possibly justify that?

"Pillows are for sleeping and plushies are for cuddling. If Atiny knew how the dolls they buy for me are disrespected," he shook his head, "They would never bring any to the meetings again." He said it like it was unconceivable. The dolls were the presents the members got the most because all their fans knew how soft and cuddly the all of them actually were. And if the fans wouldn't bring any more plushies, they probably had no idea what else they could give to their idols. To San, it was scandalous.

"But didn't you say it was an accident?" Seonghwa disagreed, "What do you usually do?" San stopped in his tracks, "Hyung," he said in a surprised manner. Never had he expected Seonghwa of all people to ask such a question. But to his defense; it came out different than he intented to. He meant to justify that San didn't need to ban the dolls from his bed.

"I'm saying- You don't usually take the plushies, right? So you also didn't mean to disrespect your Shiber like that. There's nothing to worry about," he explained with a stuttered start. San shrugged, he was probably right, but still he should stop grinding on the pillow he rests his head and face on - who knew where it would take him one day when that would also get boring?

"Hm," San hummed before he could stop, "It's usually the pillow but yesterday-," he clapped his hands before his mouth and stared at Seonghwa with wide eyes. Seonghwa was equally surprised, no answer available. One could think both of their brains were fried with hormones and guilt, so Seonghwa stuttered something about them being okay and excused himself for cleaning his room.

San shouted a quick apology after him, but the door fell shut before anything else. What was he just going to do? Seonghwa was probably totally freaked out and disgusted by his behaviour! The thoughts didn't stop and grew only worse when he lay down on his bed that evening. His bed smelled fresh but it felt literally empty. He felt so strange to himself when he reminded himself to stay on his back and keep his hands off of his body. He needed to come back to normal sleeping habits, and if he could manage one night it would be a start at least.

Though, it just felt weird. He couldn't help but grab a small and flat pillow. It was a square and actually barely worthy of being called a pillow. He folded it in half easily by how thin it was and put it between his thighs - a good hand-wide below his crotch - when he turned to the side but it wasn't satisfying. San tried to cancle the feeling out of his mind and thought about Mingi cuddling with him, spooning him from behind and yet his body felt needy by such an innocent gesture. He rocked his bottom backwards into nothing and huffed when he felt disappointed.

After tossing and turning he landed on his stomach, his shaft was already swelling, and he squirmed against the mattress. It was a relieving stimulation but he called himself to not let it go too far. He just had an amazing orgasm the night before, he should settle for something easy today. With his body willed to stay still, he let his mind do the rest. He went back to being cuddled from behind and thought - How would it have felt like if he had been the one being humped?

He actually meant to make himself feel guilty for the way he had assaulted his pillow but-- the image of Jongho or Wooyoung with their strong thighs rubing themselves against his small frame made him all giddy. Or what about Yunho and Seonghwa with their tall, built bodies feeling heavy above him, maybe even with a hand on his back to press him down--

San had to bite his lip not to yelp from feeling the spurt of pre-cum soaking his boxers. He mewled, scolding himself in his thoughts and lifted his hips to cut off the stimulus. He panted from the heat and the burning in his tighs and his abs, but the feeling of doing something forbidden turned him on even more - So naughty!

No, no! He shouldn't! Seonghwa had just complained not even twenty-four hours ago. The number reminded him of his record on holding himself back, but remembering it caused his thoughts to spiral down into horniness. He imagined edging himself for days, weeks and letting Seonghwa hear his soft moans until he would let himself have a real orgasm again - so loud Seonghwa would come for him and scold him; or even punish him?

What would he do? Yell at San with the words of truth? Say that he was sick for humping a dog plushie in a doggy position? Or would he lay his hands on him - San sobbed harshly. Would Seonghwa push him down so he wasn't able to move or would he turn him over and take his pleasure from him?

A scenario formed in San's mind - of Seonghwa barging in, all pissed and frustrated, pulling San until he was spread out on his back underneath him, helplessly and whiny, and Seonghwa would kneel with one leg between his thighs so San couldn't close them. Then Seonghwa would hold him by his upper arms and press him into the mattress and spit dirty words at him; dirty, naughty, mutt!

Then he would even push his knee into San's crotch and rub a little, only for him to become restless and desprerate and then - San gasped loudly and ground on the mattress harshly until it stung - then Seonghwa would lift his knee and push it down onto his hardened cocklett until San would feel like it was being smashed.

San was so overwhelmed by the image he had to press his thighs together as he choked on his moans and tried to muffle his noise while his whole body shook. Then he lay there, breathless and guilty, one hand clapped over his mouth and his other wrist squeezed between his thighs to calm his throbbing erection down. Then he turned back onto his back. Now he would be able to fall asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to point out typos etc. 
> 
> Stay healthy and strong in these times!


End file.
